


Coffee Cups and Polaroids

by island0fmisfittoys



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Bullying, Depression, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Past Abuse, Past Violence, Social Anxiety, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:07:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26436157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/island0fmisfittoys/pseuds/island0fmisfittoys
Summary: "Depression is when you don't really care about anythingAnxiety is when you care too much about everythingand having both is just like hell"They're both struggling...just in different ways.Lexa is less broody, but struggles with social anxiety and depression. Clarke is still the little ball of sunshine everyone loves...most of the time at least
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 105
Kudos: 158





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Everyone!  
> I've fallen into a Clexa rabbit hole! I can't help it!  
> So I decided to convert another one of my fics (a Carmilla one) into a Clexa one...I hope you all enjoy it! Let me know if you want me to continue!

Mondays.

Clarke couldn’t be 100% sure, but she was fairly confident that no one really enjoyed Mondays. She wasn’t any exception, especially when her Monday’s started off with an 8:00am lecture for her ‘Intro to Modern Liturature’ class.

_ ‘Seriously, whoever thought that was a good idea shouldn’t be in charge of scheduling’ _

Thankfully the lecture was only two hours, and almost always ended early. Which Clarke guessed was a small miracle, considering their Thursday lecture for this class almost never ended early. It was like the Prof didn’t even want to be there on Mondays.

Clarke shrugged her shoulders and tightened her grip on the straps of her backpack as she walked across campus towards the library, or more specifically towards the cafe that was attached to the library. 

She was a month into her first year at Polis University and she had quickly settled into a routine for her Mondays. She would wake up and pour herself a cup of coffee to drink on her way to her first class, then afterwards she would make her way to the campus cafe to spend her five hours break between classes (yes, five hour break) drinking more coffee and eating all the cookies she could afford. Thankfully she wasn’t the only person with a crappy start to her week, all her friends had early morning classes on Mondays as well. Raven had an ‘Ethics for the Health Sciences' class that ended at 10:00am as well but was even farther away from the cafe than Clarke’s class so she usually beat them there. Finn and Octavia had a three hour ‘Biology I’ class that ended at 11:00 and Bel had some sort of History lecture that ended at noon. They would all slowly trickle into the cafe after their first class to get a drink and study before having to leave for their next class. It was a routine that was repeated every Monday and Thursday for the last month...but for some reason it held more importance to Clarke on Mondays.

She made it to the cafe in record time, she pulled on the handle and walked inside. The cafe itself was attached to the library, but only structurally, the back wall where the kitchen was attached to the library so if you wanted to move from the library to the cafe or vice versa you had to actually walk outside. Which Clarke knew would become a pain once the winter months hit and the four feet of snow made simply going outside an extreme sport. 

Clarke shook her head and tightened her grip on her backpack straps, hosting her bag up a little as she walked up to the counter.

“Hi Maya”

The brunette barista smiled at Clarke while moving over to the coffee machine

“Hey! Your usual? Coffee with an extra shot of espresso and a chocolate chip cookie?”

Clarke beamed at her,

“Yes Please!”

Clarke moved over to the booth near the door that her and her friends usually sat at, shrugged her backpack off and plopped down onto the seat. It was the only booth inside the cafe, it was large and ‘U’ shaped, creating enough room for everyone. Clarke pulled her laptop out of her backpack and looked around while she waited for it to reboot.

As usual for this time on a Monday, the cafe was basically empty. The cafe itself was in the shape of a half circle, the back where the kitchen was making up the flat portion. The door into the cafe on the right-hand side of the building right where the back of the cafe and the curve of the front meet.The front, curved portion was made up of floor to ceiling glass windows, with a bar style table and chairs running along the inside. There was a handful of tables and chairs scattered throughout the middle of the cafe, all currently unoccupied, and a small fireplace on the other side of the cafe with a dark brown leather couch and two matching leather chairs situated around it and a small coffee table in the middle.

Curled up on the couch was the same girl that’s there every Monday morning. Her back was always facing towards Clarke, so she had yet to ever actually see the girl's face. But she had spent an embarrassing amount of time studying the girl and was fairly confident that she could recognize her based off of her leather jacket and brown wavy hair alone at this point. The other girl was always already there when Clarke arrived, sitting with her back up against the right sided armrest, her legs stretched out across the rest of the couch. She was always reading a book and had a mug sitting beside her on the table.

_ ‘I wonder what she’s reading...You know there is nothing stopping you from going over there and introducing yourself...and say what exactly? “Hi there, my name’s Clarke and I’ve spent the last month studying the back of your head, can I buy you a drink?” I think not...God…’ _

Clarke let out a frustrated sigh the same moment Raven came through the door,

“Maya, caffeine! All the caffeine! An IV of caffeine”

Clarke laughed as Raven slide into the booth beside her,

“Rough morning?”

“Frosh...you have no idea. I won’t be able to stay long today, I have an emergency meeting with one of my groups...someone contaminated our control samples and we have to start the process all over again!” 

Clarke winced at the news, she wasn’t really into the sciences but she had spent enough time with Raven to know that contaminated control samples was not a good thing.

“I’m sorry Ray”

Raven just shrugged and sighed while pulling out their laptop. Maya came over a couple minutes later with both their drinks and Clarke's cookie. They worked in relative silence for the next hour, only really stopping for a break when Finn and Octavia showed up and slid into the booth. 

“Hey guys, how was your class?”

Octavia shrugged while reaching over to steal the last piece of Clarke’s third cookie,

“Boring”

Clarke swatted O’s hand as he popped the piece of cookie in his mouth,

“O!”

Clarke pouted, mourning the last of her cookie, debating whether or not she could justify buying a fourth cookie and a second coffee in less than an hour and a half.

“Come on Griffin, what was that? Your fourth cookie? You really shouldn’t be eating that much sugar in the mornings anyway”

Clarke pouted, but her pout quickly disappeared and was replaced with a neutral expression, lips firmly pressed together. She knew Finn was probably right, but Finn’s constant need to tell her what she should be doing was starting to get on her nerves. They’ve had this conversation every Monday and Thursday for the past month. She already had a super overprotective mom, she didn’t need her friends treating her the same way. But it was Monday morning and Clarke simply didn’t have the energy to argue with Finn at the moment. She knew he and Octavia would be leaving with Raven in an hour,

_ ‘I’ll just wait and order more once they leave’ _

Clarke just sighed and slumped her shoulders while pulling her focus back to her laptop. She had a paper due Friday for her English Lit class, and she was hoping to get it finished today so she could spend the rest of the week studying for her first midterm for her Art History class that was scheduled for next Monday. 

Clarke spent the next 30 minutes completely focused on her paper, so focused she almost missed Maya placing a cookie and a coffee cup in front of her, a piece of paper tucked into the sleeve around the cup. Clarke’s brow furrowed,

“Maya I didn’t order this”

“No, someone asked me to give it to you.”

Clarke’s brow furrowed more, confusion written across her face, she looked at her friends but they just shrugged their shoulders, equally confused. Finn looked slightly annoyed but Clarke chose to ignore that for the moment.

“Who?”

“The girl on the couch” Maya point behind her with her thumb, to the now vacant couch “She was just there I swear”

Clarke scanned the caffe, looking for the mystery girl when she heard the door chime. She looked over just in time to see the back of a leather jacket slip out the door. Clarke smiled softly to herself and pulled out the piece of paper tucked into the sleeve of her coffee.

_ ‘Enjoy cutie :)’ _

Clarke grinned, maybe Monday’s weren’t so bad after-all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Sorry it's been a minute...I've been sick and battling a severe case of writers block...not that that is really an excuse since this fic is just a conversion of another...but anywho..  
> Enjoy!

The next two days came and went in a blurr, so before she knew it, it was Thursday morning and Clarke was heading back to the campus cafe by the library. Tuesdays and Wednesdays were long, full of seemingly back-to-back lectures, tutorials, and group meet ups and her Thursdays started with a two hour ‘Intro to Modern Literature’ lecture. Clarke was drained, she needed caffeine if she was going to survive the rest of her day. Her grip tightened around her backpack straps as she slowly dragged herself to the cafe, she let herself move on autopilot as her mind wandered back to the mystery girl and the note she left her on Monday. A small smile breaking across her lips.

_‘I wonder if she’ll be there today? Well….she usually is there when you’re there, has been for the last month, no real reason for today to be any different...I should talk to her today, and I finally have a legitimate reason to make conversation! I can thank her for the cookie and the coffee!’_

Before she knew it Clarke was standing outside of the cafe doors,

_‘Okay, you’re going to go in there and talk to her! No problem!...What if she isn’t there?...well then you can talk to her next time but if she is there you are talking to her today!’_

Clarke nodded her head to herself and pulled down on her vest. She was wearing blue jeans, a burgundy blouse, the bottom tucked into her jeans and the cutest sweater vest. It was a cream colour and had the picture of a cupcake sewn onto the front. She had gotten a few looks and pointed snickers during her class this morning but Clarke honestly didn’t care. Her style varied day to day, and if she was asked she'd probably say she didn't even have one. She liked it and to her that was all that mattered. She pulled down on her vest again, straightening it out, nodded her head to herself one more time and reached out to grab the handle.

“Oof”

Clarke stumbled to the side as a stranger bumped into her outstretched arm.

“Shit! I’m sorry! I’m in a bit of a rush and wasn’t paying attention”

Clarke looked over and shook her head, waving it off with her hand,

“Don’t worry about it, it’s okay”

Then she finally looked at who was standing in front of her, an odd sense of familiarity washed over her but she ignored it. The girl standing in front of her had what could pass as a warm smile on her face, long, dirty blonde hair that looked like she had just rolled out of bed...but at the same time, styled, a jawline to kill for and a perfect complexion of tan skin. She nodded to her and pulled the door open, rushing inside.

And just like that Clarke was standing in front of the cafe doors, by herself. She shook her head while reaching out and opening the door.

_‘Weird day’_

  
  
  


Clarke walked into the cafe and started to make her way over towards the leather couch by the fireplace. The familiar sight of a leather jacket and brown wavy hair, caused a smile to spread across her face. Then she noticed that the mystery girl wasn’t alone, the girl from before were sitting in the chair by the couch, talking to the girl. But before Clarke could think on it any longer her thoughts were interrupted,

“Griff!”

Clarke spun around, now facing the booth and was greeted by Raven waving her over. Clarke looked back over towards the couch, the girl had moved from her previous position of sitting with her back up against the arm rest to sitting on the couch facing forwards, her feet planted on the floor. Clarke could see the girl rubbing the palms of her hands across her thighs, her long wavy hair falling forward shielding her face from view. The two of them were whispering so Clarke had no idea what they were talking about, but she was definitely curious. The girl from outside with the dirty blonde hair was digging around in her backpack for something, she was sitting in the chair to the left of the coach so she was facing towards Clarke, she could see the soft smile on her face before she turned her focus to looking for whatever she was trying to pull out of her bag. After a few minutes Clarke saw her reach out and place her hand on the girls right shoulder. Clarke winced and almost walked over to them when she saw the flinch that tore through the other girl's body at the touch, but decided against it when she saw her quickly relax into the touch. Her shoulders slumping forward, her hands pausing their movements across her thighs. 

Clarke decided not to intrude and walked over and slid into the booth next to Raven.

“How’d you get here before me? You’re never here before me”

Clarke listened to Raven's response, something about their Prof. not showing so the class left after waiting the required 20 minutes and they decided to just spend their time in the cafe rather than walking back to the dorms. Clarke nodded her understanding, as Raven went off on a tangent about Profs being held accountable for not showing up to lectures, Clarke tuning most of it out as she turned her attention back towards the fireplace.

The girl with the dirty blonde hair seemed to finally find what she had been looking for and pulled out a white paper bag, a huge grin on her face as she held it out towards the mystery girl. Her smile fell when she ignored her and started rubbing her palms against her thighs again. Clarke could see he girl sigh as she picked up the messenger bag sitting propped up against the coffee table by the other girls feet and stuffed the paper bag inside. She watched them talk for a couple more minutes before the dirty blonde haired girl got up and walked out of the cafe. Clarke watched the mystery girl. She could see her back move with her breathing, expanding and rising slowly, then the movement seemed to freeze for a few seconds and then the girls back relaxed slowly. The girl's hands pushing into her thighs rougher than they were before. Clarke watched a few cycles of the breathing before recognizing it as “Box Breathing” a technique used by a lot of people who suffer from anxiety. Clarke frowned but kept watching, after a few more minutes Clarke saw the girls hands stop moving as she twisted her body and flung her legs back onto the coach, taking up her usual position. She picked up her book and had seemingly returned to reading. 

“Griff!”

Clarke snapped her head around towards Raven, shaking it and focusing on her friend,

“Huh?...me? What?”

Raven just shook their head and laughed,

“Zone out there much? I was asking if you were still coming over tomorrow night for our Harry Potter movie marathon?”

Clarke’s eyes widened,

“Oh! Umm...I don’t know...I mean I really want to, but I have my first midterm on Monday and it’s for my stupid Modren Lit class and I honestly don’t feel ready for it. And it’s my first ever University exam of any kind so I’m kinda nervous about it. So I don’t know…”

Clarke’s ramblings were cut off by Raven placing her hand on her shoulder,

“Breathe, I mean, you could always take a break and come hang out for the first movie or two? Then go back. Trust me when I say you do not what to pull all nighters of studying...they are not good for you”

Clarke winced as did the mystery girl on the coach, though this went unseen by Clarke who had started pulling her laptop out of her backpack. Clarke remembered what happened to Raven last year during their final high school semester. A massive burnout, one that she did not want to experience herself. One that people who didn't even go to their high school had heard about. It was a cautionary tale to say the least.

A tale that the mystery girl had overheard, even though she was in her third year she had still heard about it, and it reminded her all too much of her own burnout in her first year. Not that she meant to eavesdrop, she really didn't meant too. But...was it really her fault that the Blonde and her friends were so loud...and the cafe was generally quiet?

“That might be a good idea, study breaks are a must”

Raven smiled,

“Plus O is making cookies so I mean…

“Well now I’m definitely coming”

Both friends laughed and then settled into a comfortable silence as Clarke pulled her laptop out of her backpack. Clarke was punching in her password when Raven spoke again,

“So are you going home for reading week?”

Clarke shook her head,

“No, mom has to work all week so it just makes more sense for me to stay here rather than go home just to be on my own.”

Raven nodded, while scratching out something in their notebook.

“What about you? Still have that internship?”

Raven beamed at her,

“Ya, I'm leaving Friday for a week long internship with NASA....still can't believe I as picked”

Clarke smiled back and nodded. She was kind of sad that she would essentially be spending her first University reading week on her own, but she figured that meant she could get a head start on some of her assignments...or binge watch all of Doctor Who while eating cookies and lounging around in her pajamas...both are perfectly acceptable options in her opinion.

Clarke was snapped out of her thoughts as Maya came over and placed a coffee cup and a chocolate chip cookie down in front of her. Clarke smiled at her,

“Thanks Maya! I’ll come up in a minute to pay for it!” Clarke started digging through her backpack for her wallet, “I just need to grab my card”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s already paid for”

Clarke’s brow furrowed in confusion and looked at Raven, who just shook their head,

“Don’t look at me, I told O I’d stop fueling your cookie habit”

Clarke roller her eyes and laughed at their response, before turning her attention back to Maya,

“No, it was the same girl as last time, she asked me to bring over your usual order”

Clarke looked over towards the couch only to see it empty, a frown formed on her face as she once again found herself scanning the cafe trying to find the mystery girl. Only to snap her head towards the door, a second too late, as it chimed and saw the back of a leather jacket as the girl slid out the door as a group of students walked in.

Clarke smiled to herself and actively ignored Raven's quiet snickering, as she turned her attention back to the coffee cup, again there was a small piece of paper neatly tucked into the sleeve. Clarke pulled out the paper, unfolded it and read the note, her smile growing as she did

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_‘Enjoy, cupcake ;)’_

Underneath was a very well drawn and very detailed picture of the Slytherin House Crest, and under that,

  
  


_‘P.s Good Luck on your Midterm’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all so so much for reading!  
> Please feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you thought! Let me know if you guys want another chapter or not 😊
> 
> Also....I'm thinking about hosting a fanfic challenge on my IG @wilcoxsworkshop, don't have the details worked out yet but feel free to hop over and message me there if you're interested 😊
> 
> I'm hoping to work on Contretemps, Poor Timing and Sanctuary tomorrow so hopefully I'll have something posted for one of them by the end of the day...depends on how sick I'm feeling 😂  
> Until next time!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone!  
> Had some time to convert this chapter so..here ya go!  
> I only have one more written before I'll have to start coming up with new stuff so I'll probably hold off on posting the next chapter until sometime next week...
> 
> This chapter does deal with a depressive episode...and what could be considered depressive thoughts...so...heads up for that

_ BEEP BEEP _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_ BEEP BEEP _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_ BEEP BEEP _

Clarke groaned into her pillow and cracked an eye open, only to close it again and groan louder at the brightness seeping in through her blinds. She reached out with her right hand and patted around the top of her desk/nightstand until she found her phone. She grabbed it and swiped to turn off the alarm without even looking at the screen before rolling over and going back to sleep.

Now, 99% of the time Clarke truly was fine, she honestly was. She was sincerely the little ball of sunshine that everyone knew and loved. She was happy, kind, sweet and had a tendency to ramble whenever she got nervous or excited, or scared, or angry...well she just had a tendency to ramble in general. 

Clarke’s dad had died in a car accident when she was 14, which had left Clarke with a lot of unanswered questions. Clarke knew that her mom had thrown herself into work as a way to cope with the loss but it didn’t make things any easier. It was tough, being 14 losing one parent and then essentially losing the other to work. Having to navigate most of her teenage years on her own was not easy.

Now, at nearly 18, she had spent the past nearly four years trying to be the perfect daughter. At first it was in hopes that it would make her mom stop working so much. If she got good grades, helped out around the house, helped strangers, just did good in general, maybe...maybe she would be worth her mom coming back home. Of course, that never happened. However, Clarke realized that helping people and being happy herself seemed to make those around her happy, so she kept doing it. Most days it was easy, she enjoyed helping others, she genuinely was happy, and she liked doing well in school.

Today however...was not one of those days. 

Today was one of the days that fell into the 1%.

Today was one of the days where even the thought of getting out of bed was too much.

Today was one of the days where Clarke wondered what the point of everything was. 

_ ‘I wasn’t good enough for my mom to stick around, to take any interest in my life, people only seem to like me when I’m happy, no one bothers to really check in and see how I’m doing, no one cares...why should I?’ _

It was with that thought that Clarke forced her eyes open, and rolled over into a sitting position, her feet dangling off the side of the bed. She slowly rubbed her heads down her face, a small sigh escaping her lips as she did. She looked around her dorm room, to her left was her desk, with her laptop and textbooks haphazardly placed along its surface. Her roommate's bed was straight across from her, empty, as usual. Clarke turned her attention to the foot of her bed, a small smile creeping across her face. She nodded her head to herself, deciding what she needed to do.

Clarke hopped off her bed and headed into the bathroom, hoping a shower would help her feel a bit better. Clarke knew that she still didn’t handle her depressive episodes perfectly, but she was getting better and better at recognizing them in the early stages and doing the self-care activities that she knew helped. Showering being one of them. Another being photography.

After she finished her shower and got dressed, loose fitting sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt,

_ ‘Comfort over style today’ _

She grabbed her Polaroid camera and headed out the door.

Polis University was located basically in between two separate worlds. A 20 minute walk south of the campus and you were entering the bustling city that is Polis, full of malls, skyscrapers and angry motorists. It was loud and always packed with people. A 20 minute walk north of campus and you were strolling through the quiet streets of the Village of TonDC, full of pubs, bakeries and boutiques within buildings that were protected due to their historical value. It was quiet and near desolate. Clarke had been into the city a few times over the month that she had been living on campus, her friends loved to go to the mall and restaurants there. She hadn’t yet had a chance to visit TonDC though, she had asked Raven and Octavia...and once even Finn, a few times to check it out but she always turned her down or pressured her into going to the city instead.

_ ‘Well...not time like the present.’ _

And with that thought, Clarke headed out of her building and started walking north.

Clarke wasn’t sure how long she walked along the streets of TonDC, but before she knew it she was nearly out of film and the sun was starting to set. She decided to head back to campus when she walked past an old bookstore. Dark wooden panels and large windows made up the front of the store, the sunlight was low in the sky and streaming through the glass, illuminating the books inside. Clarke couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto her face as she lifted her camera up and snapped a picture.

Walking back to campus, Clarke’s stomach growled reminding her that she hadn’t actually eaten today. She decided to stop at the cafe first before heading back to the dorms. She made her way inside and to the counter when she noticed a familiar head of chestnut brown wavy hair. Clarke couldn't help but smile. The mystery girl was in her usual spot, sitting with her legs stretched out along the couch, reading a book. The more Clarke thought about it the more she realized that the girl was always reading, and she was always reading a different book. She had never seen her read the same book twice.

“Maya? The girl on the couch, what is her usual order?”

Maya smirked at her before responding,

“Coffee, black...like her soul”

Clarke’s eyebrows shot up and her eyes were the size of saucers, shocked at what she had heard, she’d known Maya since the start of the semester and had never heard her say something like that about anyone before.

Maya held her hands up and laughed,

“Those were her words, not mine. She actually seems like a really nice person, just super shy”

Clarke nodded her head, and decided that today would be the day that she finally spoke to the mystery girl. She paid for her hot chocolate and the other girls coffee when her phone started ringing. Clarke rolled her eyes and answered her phone,

_ ‘Unbelievable timing’ _

“Hello?”

“Hey, are you still coming over tonight? We’re all waiting on you to order the pizza.”

“Ray? Ya I’m coming tonight, but you said to be there for 7.”

There was a small pause,

“Griff, it’s almost 7:30”

“Fuck! I’ll be there soon! Just order the pizza now, I’ll stick with cheese. Sorry!”

Clarke ended the call and slid her phone back into her pocket. Which is when she remembered she was wearing sweatpants and a huge sweatshirt, her hair now in a messy bun.

_ ‘Probably not dressed to make the best first impression…’ _

Clarke looked down at herself, then over towards the mystery girl, then to the coffee cup Maya just placed in front of her and then back to herself.

_ ‘Damn it’ _

Clarke sighed before an idea hit her and she smiled, pulling the small binder out of her backpack and quickly flipped through the pages until she found what she was looking for. She pulled it out and grabbed a pen off the counter wrote a small note and then flagged Maya down before turning to leave

“Maya, I’ve got to go but can you do me a favor and give her the coffee and this? Please?”

Maya nodded as she finished up someone else's order, Clarke waved goodbye before heading out the door.

Lexa was enjoying her book, when someone placed a coffee cup and a piece of paper on the table beside her.

“Umm...I didn’t order this.”

Maya smiled at her softly and said,

“I know, someone else ordered it for you. Enjoy”

Lexa turned around when she heard the familiar ding of the door ring through the cafe, just in time to see a small girl with blonde coloured hair walk out of the cafe. Lexa couldn’t fight the smile that spread across her face. She reached over and grabbed what she thought was a piece of paper only to realize it was in fact a Polaroid of an old book store, the picture was beautiful. Lexa’s smile grew even brighter when she saw what was written across the bottom.

_ Thanks so much for the cookies and coffee! :) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks so much for reading!  
> Please feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you thought :D or if you have any suggestions for what should happen next! I love hearing from you and getting feedback :D
> 
> Until next time!


	4. Woah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> So you guys have been awesome and I'm loving all the feedback and the comments so I decided to take a minute and get this one posted for you! 
> 
> Enjoy!

Clarke cracked her eye open and groaned as the sunlight streamed through her blinds and directly into her face. She rolled over to face towards the wall and attempted to will herself back to sleep.

‘It’s Saturday, I can totally justify sleeping in’

She was feeling better than she was yesterday, still not 100% back to her “normal” self but she would give herself a solid 78%. Which, considering it had only been a day, she argued she couldn’t complain too much.

The walk she went on yesterday definitely helped, as did the Harry Potter marathon. As much as she wanted to be alone, it was nice to spend time with her friends. Even if Finn continued to get on her nerves. Clarke frowned and scrunched up her face at the thought. It’s not that Finn was necessarily a bad person, he isn’t. Sometimes he is just too much, too overprotective, too stubborn, too pushy, and last night too condescending. Okay...Clarke didn’t really know Finn well enough yet to truly say if he was a good or bad person, not yet anyway. Clarke sighed into her pillow, she was definitely going to have to have yet another talk with Finn soon, she was too frustrated to do it last night.

_ ‘Seriously, I went for a walk to take care of myself. I wasn’t late on purpose...he had no right to get all high and mighty last night. Besides...I had my phone on me, he could have texted if he was really that worried. Like he only really seems to “care” when there are people around to see him “care”’ _

Clarke flopping onto her back with a groan, running both hands down her face. She closed her eyes and rubbed the heel of her palms over her eyes.

**BANG**

“Griff! You up!?”

Clarke shot up in bed, her heart racing from the sound of the doorknob colliding with the wall, most likely leaving a dent in the wall.

“Raven!? What the hell!?”

Raven winced as they looked at the dent that they had 100% made in the wall, and then quickly shrugged their shoulders and turned back to face Clarke,

“You said you would come to the cafe with me this morning to work on assignments. You know I won’t be able to focus if I stay in my room”

Clarke narrowed her eye’s at her friend,

“I have zero recollection of this”

“Trust me, you definitely said you’d come”

“I told you I’d get up early on a Saturday to study?”

“Mhmm”

Raven rolled their eyes and sighed,

“You did after I promised to buy you cookies”

Clarke beamed at her,

“Ah! Now, that I can believe”

Raven rolled her eyes and laughed as Clarke hopped out of her bed,

“Give me an hour to shower and get my stuff together? We can meet in the lobby and walk over to the cafe together?”

“Deal!”

Precisely one hour later Clarke found herself walking towards the campus cafe, Raven walking beside her chatting away about hemoglobin and creating nanobots for surgeries. To be honest Clarke started tuning her out after a few minutes. Not meaning to be rude, it’s just that most of Raven’s science stuff went right over her head. Raven was a first year Biomolecular Engineering major and Clarke had barely passed grade 12 Biology...much to her mother’s disappointment.

They turned the corner leading towards the “Campus Square” it was a beautiful sight, regardless of what anyone said. There was a huge rectangular strip of grass in the middle where students would sit and study or just hang out when the weather was nice. There were buildings surrounding the square, three of these buildings housed various lecture halls, study rooms and smaller tutorial classrooms. They were on the east, south and west edges of the square. The library was at the north end. Between the grass and the library was a large rectangular fountain...or at least it would be a fountain if they ever turned it on. Right now it was more of a concrete pond with all the rainwater over the last week just sitting in it. Clarke scrunched up her nose at the thought. There were a few benches around the north and eastern edge of the “fountain” with a few students seated on each. A couple students would pass by walking either towards or away from the library, chatting with friends as they did. There was a group of guys tossing around a football in the middle of the lawn and a few groups of students huddled near one of the lecture halls. All and all pretty much as busy as Clarke was expecting for 10:30am on a Saturday.

Clarke tightened her grip on her backpack straps and hiked it up higher on her back, pushing up on her toes slightly as she did. Rather than cut across the lawn towards the right side of the library where the cafe was, Clarke and Raven silently agreed to walk around the edge of the lawn to avoid the group of “bros” in the middle.

_ ‘It is far too early and I am clearly not caffeinated enough to deal with all that right now’ _

After a few minutes of walking Clarke noticed a familiar sight standing outside of the cafe, near the side of the “fountain”

Chestnut brown wavy hair and a black leather jacket.

Clarke grinned and subconsciously picked up her pace. A few steps later she realized that her mystery girl wasn’t alone. An girl with nearly black Clarke had seen around campus a few times stood in front of the girl, a sneer written across her face. Naturally, the mystery girl was once again facing away from Clarke but she could tell that the girl’s head was tilted down towards the ground and she was clutching her books to her chest like they were a lifeline. Clarke nudged Raven in the side and motioned over towards the girl before picking up her pace once again, trusting Raven to follow. 

“You’re a freak, I don’t even know why you’re here.”

Clarke could see the girl fold into herself more. She also noticed that the “mean girl” wasn’t alone, there was a group of students standing behind her laughing and sneering. Clarke just huffed and quicken her pace, moving as fast as her legs could carry her.

_ ‘Why must I have such short legs!?’ _

Clarke was just a few steps away when she saw the girl with the black hair knock the girls books and binder out of her hands. Books scattered across the ground, the binder popped open and papers were flying everywhere. It was literally something out of a nightmare. The mystery girl fell forward onto her knees, both arms wrapped tightly across her stomach. The bully reached down and picked up one of the books that had fallen,

“Seriously, how does someone like you even afford so many books. What are you doing here?”

Clarke was furious,

“Hey Asshole!”

The mystery girl didn’t acknowledge Clarke but the other one did, she turned to the side and nudged one of her friends and laughed,

“Look, the freak has friends” 

She laughed once more before tossing the book to side, sending it into the “fountain” with a splash, and walking away, hitting the girls shoulder as she did. Clarke’s eyes widened at the sight of the book floating open, in the definitely less than sanitary water. She ran over and snatched the book out of the water, a disgusted look on her face at the sight...and smell of the murky water. She turned so she was now facing the girl, she was still sitting on her knees, both arms tightly wrapped around her waist, head tilted down her hair falling like curtains along her face, hiding her from view and she was slowly rocking back and forth. Clarke frowned as she looked around trying to find Raven. Raven, along with a couple students that had been sitting on the benches were currently running around the square trying to pick up as many of the runaway papers they could. Clarke smiled at her friend before stepping closer to the girl and kneeling down in front of her, a soft smile on her face.

“Hey, I’m Clarke...I’m sorry that girl was such an ass...you didn’t deserve that, no one does. I tried to save your book” Clarke held up the now completely waterlogged piece of literature and sighed “but now that I look at it I don’t think I was fast enough...sorry.”

It was with that, that the girl lifted her head, tilting it to the side to look at Clarke, as confused and questioning look written across her face, her eyes glassy, full of unshed tears. Cheeks and nose pink from the tears that had managed to slip through. Clarke’s eyes widened to a comical size, this girl was the most beautiful person she had ever laid eyes on.

So naturally, Clarke’s brain shut down and a whispered,

“Woah”

Escaped her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks so much for reading!  
> Please feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you think! I live for the comments :D  
> All feedback is welcome!
> 
> Now this is the last chapter than I have written, I do plan on writting and posting more...just not sure when.  
> So! If you have and ideas or suggestions to where this could go next, let me know!
> 
> Until next time!


	5. Waterlogged literature

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Sorry this is such a short chapter...I need some inspiration

Lexa tilted her head to the left slightly, the right corner of her mouth twitching up into a small smile. The barely there, half smile quickly turned into a full smile. A light blush tinting her cheeks a pale pink, this time from embarrassment rather than tears. 

Clarke flinched backwards from the awkwardness of her own slip, shaking her head, eyes wide, mouth open, cheeks quicky turning a deep red and shock and embarrassment clearly written across her face.

_ 'Stupid lack of filter.' _

"I uh...I just...umm..I mean...y-you...you're.." Clarke wildly jestured at Lexa's body, quickly and with zero finesse, moving her hand up and down in front of her, before breathing out

"Beautiful"

The blush across Lexa's face deepened as she tilted her head forward, looking towards the ground. Her hair falling forward to once again hide the sides of her face. Lexa bit her bottom lip before tilting her head back up, tucking some of her hair behind her right ear as she did. She locked eyes with Clarke and gave her a bashful smile

"T-thank-you"

Clarke was beaming at her, Lexa watched as Clarke quickly pushed herself backwards, her weight momentarily resting on her heels before using her momentum and pushing herself up onto her feet. Clarke moved the waterlogged piece of literature into her right hand, using her left to swipe off some of the dirt that had stuck to her knees before extending her hand out towards Lexa.

Lexa tilted her head to the side, analyzing Clarke. Lexa's eyes quickly darted across Clarke's face, taking everything in. The pink of the other girls cheeks. The brightness of her eyes. The eagerness of her smile. Lexa's eye fluttered down to the outstretched and in front of her, and then back to look at Clarke.

It wasn't until Clarke nodded her head, and motioned towards her hand that Lexa bit her bottom lip and gently grabbed onto the hand being offered to her. 

Lexa was slightly shocked at the strength and amount of force Clarke used to haul her up off the ground. But she was even more shocked when Clarke bent down and quickly brushed the dirt off her pants. Lexa felt her body involuntarily stiffen at the unexpected contact.

Clarke felt the girl stiffen, her back ridged. Clarke gave her a sheepish smile before speaking,

"Sorry, you...you just..umm" Clarke pointed towards Lexas knees "dirt"

Fortunately (unfortunately?) for Clarke, it was in that moment that Raven decided to make her way back over.

"Hey! I'm Raven! So I think we got most of your papers, thankfully the wind blew them away from the petre dish this school calls a fountain."

Raven finished walking over, clutching a mass of loose papers to her chest, struggling to hold onto all of them while simultaneously trying to not tear or crinkle any of them too much. 

Clarke shot Raven a smile before turning back to Lexa,

"Were you coming or going?"

Lexa slowly peeled her gaze off of Raven, who was now nearly doubled over pressing her arms into her stomach trying to keep some of the papers from slipping out from under her arms, to look at Clarke.

"S-sorry, what?"

Clarke gave her a soft smile and gently squeezed her hand before letting go and using her now free hand to point behind her towards the cafe.

"Were you coming or going? If…" Clarke bit her bottom lip before continuing "if you were on your way inside...you...y-you could sit with us? Only if you want to of course" Clarke moved her ha ds up in front of herself "no pressure or anything! I uh...I just thought that.. if you wanted...you could sit with us and then I could help you put your binder back together?" The corner of Clarkes mouth turning up slightly into a questioning smile. When Lexa didn't respond right away Clarke panicked, "but uh, if you'd rather go home that's cool too…"

"Clarke?"

"-or if you just don't want to sit with us that is also cool-"

"Clarke?"

Clarke stopped her rambling for a second to look at Lexa,

"Y-ya?"

Lexa gave her a warm smile, tilting her head to the side

"Do you always have a tendency to ramble?"

Clarke blushed, embarrassed, but shook her head,

"N-no! Only when I'm nervous, or excited...or angry..or...okay ya, maybe I do ramble a bit." Clarke's shoulders slumped forward, head tilted downwards, dejected. "Sorry"

Lexa took a small step forward, breathing deeply in through her nose. Attempting to calm herself before she slowly reached forward, her fingers lightly ghosting across Clarke's chin. Gently guiding her to look back up, green eyes peering into blue.

"Never apologize for who you are Clarke"

Lexa dropped her hand back down to her side and then raised it a half second later, offering it to Clarke,

"I'm Lexa by the way, Lexa Woods"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks so much for reading!  
> Please feel free to leave me a commentand let me know what you thought!  
> Seriously I live for the comments! I could also use some suggestions and/or ideas for this fic...so please feel free to share if you have any!
> 
> Until next time 😊


	6. Secondhand Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> So sorry it's been so long since I've updated this fic...but I hope you like it 😊

Lexa wasn't entirely sure  _ how _ she managed to agree to Clarke's offer of sitting with her and Raven or her offer to help her put her binder back together. She hated coming across as weak so accepting help from anyone, even her own sister was a hard thing to do. Plus, normally her multiple anxiety disorders prevented her from meeting new people... or interacting with new people in general...especially when those new people came in the form of cute blondes. 

And yet.

One warm smile from said cute blonde and...

Here she was, sitting in the 'U' shaped booth inside the library cafe. 

After they had entered the cafe, Raven had unceremoniously dumped all the papers she had collected on top of the table. They had been organizing papers for about a minute when the Latina started to fidget, Lexa could feel her own heart rate start to increase, her knee bouncing rapidly, in time with the other girls

_ 'Great, now I can suffer from secondhand anxiety' _

Clarke had quickly pulled the pile of papers Raven was organizing away from her friend and added them to her own pile, quietly telling her to start working on her assignments instead.

Lexa and Raven had each sat on one of the ends of the wraparound bench, placing Clarke in between the two. Clarke slid closer to Lexa as Raven shot her friend a grateful smile before pulling out her laptop and getting to work.

"She gets anxious if she doesn't get her work done during the time that she set aside to work on it" Clarke handed Lexa an organized pile of papers before continuing, barely speaking above a whisper "her roommate is kind of a dick...so she can't really get much work done there...and the cafe isn't open all day since it's the weekend...so" Clarke reached over to her friend and gently placed her hand on her bouncing knee. 

The soft weight of Clarkes hand pulled Raven back and slowly the bouncing stopped, she shot her friend a soft "thanks" before moving to slide out of the booth.

"Ima get a coffee, can I get you guys anything?"

"Anytime Ray, and I'll take my usual" 

Clarke smiled at her friend, who was now standing at the edge of the table looking at Lexa, waiting for an answer.

Lexa looked up and sucked in a breath. Two sets of eyes focused on her. Her heart stopped. Then fluttered. Then started racing. 

_ 'Coffee, black. Just speak clearly and for the love of god try not to stutter.' _

Lexa opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. She promptly snapped it shut, her heart pounding in her chest. 

_ 'What is wrong with you? It is literally three small words. Medium. Coffee. Black.' _

Her palms were clammy and the cold sweats had started. Her breathing was coming in short, sharp gasps.

_ 'You're ridiculous, you can't even tell one person what your coffee order is? The only reason you drink black coffee is because it is literally the easiest thing to order. What the fuck is wrong with you? You are a burden.  _ **_You're worthle-_ ** _ ' _

"Lexa?"

Lexa hadn't even realized she had shut her eyes until she found herself snapping them open at the sound of her name. 

Green locked on blue.

Clarke tilted her head to the side, concern and understanding written deep inside her eyes.

"Can I touch you?"

Lexa went rigid, eyes wide, her breath caught in the back of her throat, her heart hammering in her chest. She started rubbing the heels of her palms along the front of her thighs. She shook her head as tears started to involuntarily pool in her eyes.

Clarke twisted so she was facing towards Lexa, her left leg tucked up her body, her foot hooked around the back of her right knee. She gave Lexa a warm smile while making sure to give the other girl plenty of space, and when she spoke her voice was gentle and even,

"That's okay, thank you for telling me."

Lexa felt her anxiety sputter as her brow furrowed together in confusion. Her hands stilled against her thighs. Not once had she ever had someone respond to her anxiety in such a supportive manner. Well no one other than her sister, but even she had a hard time dealing with it and understanding it at the beginning.

"Now, you don't need to speak but just nod your head for yes, and shake your head for no. Is that okay?"

Lexa could slowly feel her breathing return to normal as she sharply nodded her head. She caught the bright smile Clarke gave her out of the corner of her eye and her heart fluttered.

"Thank you. Now did you want your usual drink?"

Sharp nod.

"Thanks. Are you okay with Raven getting it for you?"

Lexa hesitated for a second before slowly nodding her head.

"Awesome! Thanks! Are you okay with me telling Raven your order?"

Lexa stole a look towards the blonde and finally felt her breathing even out. Her heart was still hammering in her chest and her stomach was doing acrobatics, but she was fairly certain that was thanks to the soft smile on Clarkes lips and the warm, caring glint in her eyes.

Lexa nodded her head again while slowly removing her hands from her thighs and bringing them up to rest on the table. She heard Clarke recite her order to Raven, and she was vaguely aware of the other girl walking over to stand in the now very long line of students waiting to order. She heard it and saw it, but it didn't fully register. Her mind was foggy, but her thoughts were racing.

Here was a complete stranger, being considerate enough to ask if she could touch her, not just automatically assuming she could, or should. She didn't make her speak if she wasn't able to, she gave the opportunity to communicate without having to. She spoke to her gently and was pateint with her. And she had somehow managed to calm her and slowed her anxiety attack before she spiraled out and into a full blown attack.

Lexa looked up and over at Clarke and melted at the gentle smile on her face and the adorable tilt to the blondes head. Lexa decided one thing in that moment 

_ 'I don't know who this girl is but I definitely need to get to know her better….assuming she ever wants to see me again after all this…' _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks so much for reading! Please feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you thought! 😊
> 
> Also please head over to my IG account @island0fmisfittoys for updates, sneak peaks and fanart (still working on that last one 😂) the entire thing is a work in progress but I think it has potential 😊

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading!  
> Please let me know what you think! Should it stay a one shot or should I continue it?
> 
> I love hearing from everyone!


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